Developing Positive Self-Esteem

Self esteem is how you feel about yourself – and whether you respect and value who you are. It is very different from self-confidence which relates to our talents, abilities and skills. In summary, self esteem includes:

1.    Our core beliefs about ourselves – and whether we agree with others’ views of us (our worth or value as a human being).

2.    Our sense of control, or the influence we have, over who we become and what happens to us.

(Note: People with an internal locus of control see themselves as being in charge of their own destiny. In contrast, those with an external locus of control tend to see themselves as being helpless victims of others.)

3.    Our sense of belonging, and unconditional acceptance, amongst our family members, colleagues, friends and peers. This is a measure of our lovability.

4.    Our sense of being able to meet life’s challenges and to cope successfully with what life sends our way. This is a measure of our capability.

We know success is related to a healthy self-esteem, so how can we work on enhancing this?

1.    First, stop comparing yourself to other people. Set your own expectations and personal goals – and take the steps you need to walk towards, and reach, your goals.

2.    Identify and celebrate your qualities and strengths – and keep on adding to that growing list each day. For example, are you the kind of person who’s always there for others? Are you creative, logical or practical? Are you friendly, caring, thoughtful, helpful and outgoing? Do you like to try new things, and have a real sense of adventure?

3.    Be committed to growing and changing as a person. Read books on self improvement and on personal growth. What you do with your time will affect who you become.

4.    Watch and challenge your thinking and self talk. One of the greatest hurdles to building self esteem is constantly attacking and putting yourself down. Instead, be affirming, positive, and notice your achievements. You’re committed, and progressing, so you’ll reach the goals you’ve set.

5.    We may have limited control of our external world as our teachers or our boss may dictate much of our day. But let your home be your castle, a place where you retreat to relax, recharge your batteries, and find yourself.

6.    Hang out with positive people. If you hang out with people who are always negative – and only whine and complain – then it will drain your energy. But individuals who believe in and work towards success will inspire and encourage you to walk that road as well. Thus, their positivity will raise your self-esteem.